End of year lists start of fun but usually end up a bit of a chore for writers and readers, but we must genuinely admit that we love writing this one – so we hope you enjoy reading it as much. In our fourth annual celebration of the trashiest cinematic moments of the year, we get the chance to look at the smut, camp, and wonderfully twisted highlights that keep us going back to the movies year after year.
Julianne Moore’s Hollywood Breakdown
Map to the Stars
Playing Havana Segrand – a bizarre mash-up of Norma Desmond and Lindsay Lohan – the ever-fantastic Julianne Moore is utterly magnificent in David Cronenberg’s Map to the Stars. Segrand meeting a frenemy whilst shopping or celebrating in manic delight when a rival’s child dies are moments of sheer bad taste perfection.
Don Johnson is REDBTCH
Cold in July
Don Johnson’s career best performance as private-eye, pig-farmer and general ‘cowboy queen’ (to quote Johnson himself) Jim Bob, in Cold in July is an over-the-top delight. What could have simply turned out as a minor footnote in the film, becomes one of its strongest assets in the solid hands of Johnson. From Jim Bob’s licence plate reading REDBTCH to his floral Texan shirts and shit-kicker demeanour, Johnson owns Cold in July.
All of Grace of Monaco. All. Of. It.
Grace of Monaco
Glowing in faux glamour, pore-prodding close-ups and unintenional humour, Grace of Monaco is an effete slice of delicate camp – and what we’ve dubbed the first great camp classic since Showgirls.
Scott Eastwood’s Buns
We cannot comment on Scott Eastwood vehicle, Dawn Patrol, from a critical standpoint as it hasn’t officially been released yet – other than it’s Austin premiere a couple of months back – but we feel compelled to include it thanks to a couple of leaked scenes. Scott blew our minds in a palpitation-inducing nude scene, which, well, was the highlight of our lives.
Alfre Woodard’s Scary Sass
We questioned whether to include this here due to the unparalleled averageness of Annabelle, but our love for Alfre Woodard won out in the end. Woodard plays Evelyn, a bookstore owner who takes an unsettling shine to a young couple and their creepy doll. The Desperate Housewives star injects some over-the-top theatrics, spooky glances and hoodoo elegance to a role which doesn’t really deserve it.
Baby Ben in Gone Girl
Back in his Daredevil days, we’re sure this would have broken the internet – but nonetheless Ben Affleck going frontal in Gone Girl still caused quite a stir online. Ben remains good-looking and we didn’t see too many complaints about Baby Ben’s big screen debut – just don’t expect him to be whapping it out of his Batsuit at any time soon.
Neil Sedaka in Space
Space Station 76
Envisioning space in 1970’s style was such a fun concept that Space Station 76 really made the most of. A cracking, nostalgic soundtrack helped make Jack Plotnick’s black comedy such a treat – with tracks like Neil Sedaka’s carefree Laughter in the Rain really setting the zany theatrical camp of the film.
Goodbye Portly Matthew Crawley
Being the shallow and superficial people that we are, we never really paid much attention to the portly Dan Stevens in his Downton Abbey days. However, after his Gosling-ization for Adam Wingard’s The Guest, we gained a new appreciation for the thesp. Capturing the sleazy, ultra-violent madcap charm of cult cinema of yesteryear – there’s a gleeful trashiness pulsing through The Guest – perfectly summarised when the chiselled Brit stars in an over-the-top post-shower scene.
Garry Marshall in the Ultimate Zombie Grandpa
Life After Beth
Filmmaker and actor Garry Marshall provided one of the ultimate cameos of all time as the supposed ‘Master’ to the Sanderson Sisters in Disney’s Hocus Pocus (see above), and whilst his cameo in zom-com Life After Beth may not reach these stratospheric heights, it’s still pretty incredible. Marshall appears as Dane DeHaan’s oy-vey zombie granddad in a brief yet hilarious little cameo.
Imelda Staunton Dildo Mayhem/Shame Shame Shame
Pride gave us some fantastic moments of well-pitched camp which reached near iconic levels when we see Imelda Staunton and her fellow Welsh mining town broads hitting the London gay scene. It’s not long before she’s found waving about something a little saucier. We’ve also got to pay tribute to Pride’s riotous dance-number featuring a scene-stealing turn from Dominic West which you can see below.
Waterpark Poo Shoot
The Inbetweeners 2
Despite its wild success, The Inbetweeners 2 and its predecessor never managed to match the consistent laugh-rate of the original television series. Although incredibly average for the most part, a scene which sees Will (Simon Bird) chased by a turd down a water-slide is sheer tear-inducing hilarity. Crude, dumb, but insanely funny.
Welcome to Pompeii, Kiefer Sutherland Style
You would be forgiven for thinking that Paul WS Anderson’s Pompeii was a reboot of much-loved Frankie Howerd sitcom Up Pompeii after seeing Kiefer Sutherland’s performance. The actor is part Rex Harrison, part Christopher Biggins and is a joy to watch as he chews the scenery (or green screen) in this big-budget riot.
With Ryan Phillippe sat in the director’s chair for the taut and incredibly entertaining kidnap thriller, Catch Hell (his debut), you might have thought that he would be eager to avoid the hassle of featuring in nude scenes himself. You’d be wrong. In a sheer act of kindness Ryan once again bared his beautiful bum to the world – for what will hopefully not be the last time.
Aussie Camp: Ben Mendelshon Channelling Frankie Howerd
Exodus: Gods and Kings
Over-the-top acting wasn’t just happening in Pompeii, it was going on in Ancient Egypt in the court of Pharaoh Ramses in Exodus: Gods and Kings. Outstanding character actor Ben Mendelshon let his hair down in a refreshingly theatrical turn as Viceroy Hegep and uttered the film’s sauciest line: “Have I done anything to displease you, and if so, what can I do to please you?” as his eyes linger on Christian Bale’s handsome Moses’s crotch. You can’t blame a viceroy for trying.
Dick Van Dyke’s Boogie
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb
We’ve seen octogenarian icon Dick Van Dyke’s dancing talents in recent years thanks to his wife’s Vine account, and as a result the Diagnosis Murder star got the chance to strut his stuff on the big screen in Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb. Seeing the loveable star having a boogie to Shake Your Groove Thing was sheer perfection that should strike a smile to every viewer’s face.
What did we miss?