Blu-Ray Review: Apartment 1303 3D

Like the dire American remakes of J-Horror features One Missed Call and Dark Water, Apartment 1303 3D joins the club of truly disastrous Japanese to American adaptations.

After escaping her domineering mother (Rebecca De Mornay), Janet (Julianne Michelle) signs the lease on her dream apartment. However shortly after experiencing some ghostly goings on, Janet falls out of her 13th floor window. Her sister Lara (Mischa Barton) begins to investigate and her chief suspect is Janet's boyfriend (Corey Seiver).

The main issue with Apartment 1303 3D is simply how unbelievably amateur it is. It lacks any scares and relies on completed outdated genre clichés to carry its narrative. The team behind the feature seem to think that the presence of a pale schoolgirl is enough to have audiences cowering in fear - but unfortunately they fail to craft any sense of tension or suspense, resulting in these attempted scares feeling utterly flat, uninspired, and downright forgettable. This is a problem that hinders all the attempted horror scenes in the feature - all lacking any originality, tension, or any distinct style.

There is nothing remotely scary about Apartment 1303 3D - apart from the lead acting and bland production. It feels cruel to say this when the leading cast are given such uninspired characters and dialogue to work with. Mischa Barton, Julianne Michelle and Corey Seiver fail to bring any life to these bland one-dimensional characters.

Whilst the most part of the narrative is truly abominable, Apartment 1303 3D does slip away on a bizarre subplot involving Rebecca De Mornay as a heavy-drinking country singer/controlling Mommie Dearest type figure. Whilst this lacks any inherent relevance to the narrative, De Mornay does provide the most engagement of the film. The actress slips into the role of a trashy, self-obsessed country-singer with complete ease - but this is a far cry from her best work.

You may feel a slight trashy thrill at De Mornay's hammy performance, but this really isn't enough to justify spending ninety minutes of your life watching this tired, lazy and ultimately bland piece of cinema. Avoid.
Rating: 1/5

Originally posted on Cinehouse UK

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